A very different kettle of fish

After a ropey start with Stalag 17 at Victoria Wells having gone bust, preparations had gone really well. Chris had found a new venue able to take sufficient numbers – up to eighty peeps at one stage. There was a new computerised booking system devised by Ian, and Steve had done a really good deal with the hotel. The final planning meeting was held at Ian and Lou’s, where tons of chilli, rice, bread, cakes and huge volumes of tea and coffee vanished. The four groups and rides had been put together for all three days of the trip. The T-shirts had been ordered, the run leaders and back markers were all sorted and bacon butties and liquid refreshments all organised at our new start venue at the Plough in Wheatley.

The first thing to go Pete Tong was the t-shirt company, which went bust, but luckily for us we hadn’t parted with any cash. Next it was the weather, which had at first looked as if it would be a tad on the cool side but ok. By the Thursday it had all changed, and the trip was cancelled due to dire weather warnings of snow, sleet and the start of the next ice age. Then the hotel refused to refund any of our pennies. So that was it….. or was it?

First the TVI (Thame Village Idiots, aka, Craggy, Rawlins and Bowler) Society decided they were going in Bowler’s little red Jeep regardless of the f***ing weather. This then caused a flood of bloody-mindedness, and lots of others also decided that the weather could go swivel. In the end 20+ folk turned up at the hotel – none on bikes, thank God! Normal service resumed as everyone assembled in the bar, and tales of daring-do abounded. If Scott had had some of this lot with him he would have had no trouble beating that Amundsen guy to the pole.

So what to do on the Saturday? Step forward our intrepid mountain guide Richard Tickner. ‘Let’s go on a moderate to easy walk up the nearby mountain’ said the mountain man. ‘That sounds like a good shout’, said some hardy folk. The TVI didn’t like the sound of it as walking was involved. “Walking – that’s what you do when you get off your bike and go into the shop for your paper, baccy and Rizlas. Quite far enough for me to walk thank you very much!” said Rawlings. They did agree to walk into the town…

Other more sensible folk ventured off into bandit country of Anglesey to see some standing stones and to try to find Druids and male-voice choirs. They found the stones, but the Druids and the choirs had all buggered off to Australia to find some warm weather. I don’t know what the rest got up to, it’s probably safer not to ask.

Meanwhile Richard’s happy band had reached the Electric Mountain. This is a visitor centre for the Dinorwic power station. It’s billed as the world’s fastest-reacting power station, and is capable of supplying the national grid with power within twelve seconds of being asked for some volts and amps. This is all down to superior Welsh technology involving bucketloads of water and a big hole in the mountain to pour it all down. We watched a short video about how it was all made, the cost (£450 million), and how long it took to build (ten years). Then we went on the bus down into the bowels of the mountain, (do mountains have bowels?), to see the workings and some volts and amps, huge valves and spinning monster shafts, and some of the biggest dynamos I’ve ever seen.

Then there was another video in case anyone had fallen asleep during the first one, then we went back above ground to what passes for the normal world in these northern latitudes. All the English people (seisnegs we call them in Wales) believed the story about the water, and the amps and volts. How silly – everyone knows that you can’t have electricity and water in close proximity – try turning on your two-bar electric fire and chucking it in the bath and you’ll see what I mean. The truth is the hole in the mountain is where the red dragon lives. Y Ddraig Goch is his proper name, except on weekends when he’s called Colin. All the electricity is down to his fiery breath after dining at Mifanw Patel’s all-night curry house and fish bar. Some apprentice dragons live there as well, and they go to work every day disguised as camels, doing a shift in Ivor the Engine’s boiler.

Richard led us off for our second adventure, issued crampons and roped us all together for our “moderate walk” up the outside of the dragon’s lair, and off we went. Part way up the mountain, after pausing for some oxygen and Yak’s milk, I’m sure I spotted the ghostly figures of Hillary and Tensing waving at us through the driving snow and shouting for what sounded like the Kenny Everett character, Cupid Stunt. Soon we were a little bit uncertain of our position, or “lost” as some would say.

The party split into two factions, both certain that they knew the way. At this point Duncan technically overtook the run leader to scout ahead, so we all made a mental note for later. After much to-ing and fro-ing between the two groups we were sorted out by two locals, who said that if we carried on it would all get very bad with knee-deep snow drifts (big problem for Lou), big holes and a mountainside to fall down. They probably thought that we were all the Kenny Everett character as well.

After about one second of careful consideration we called Duncan back from his trek across the crevasse-strewn glacier, and headed back down the mountain to what passes for civilisation. We made it back to base camp for our next adventure, getting stuck into tea, coffee and cake in the honey and wine shop, which also sold mead. We tasted quite a lot of mead, as everyone kept pretending that they couldn’t remember which was which.

We thought we should then buy some mead as we had tasted about half the shop’s stock, and wobbled back to the hotel. It was a bit like being on holiday in Greece, except it was so bloody cold – you know when you try retsina, think it’s great, and when you get home it tastes like paraffin with horse piss in it. When I’ve summoned the courage to try the mead again I’ll let you know.

The TVI were back after their adventure, where they saw a lot of the back of a snow plough and the JCB that came to dig out the snow plough. What they did for the rest of the day is shrouded in mystery and swirling snow, but I’m sure I spotted some threads of sheep’s wool caught on the tailgate of the little red Jeep…

More of the same old stuff in the hotel – masses of booze and food, banter, exaggeration and downright lies, followed by yet more booze and an early night at half-one on Sunday morning. As it was 7Ws we had to have a go at the wooden spoon awards, but we couldn’t award proper wooden ones because we weren’t on bikes, so it was decided to award Duncan a virtual wooden spoon for technically overtaking the run leader.

It was a very different 7Ws, but extremely enjoyable with plenty of craic. A big thank you to all who braved the weather to get there. See some or all of you again next time.

The Cardiff Kid

Previously unpublished

7Ws – A Success Story

The 25^th iteration of the 7W’s had to be a cut above the rest, having said that the 24^th was a corker as were all the preceding events, just the ticket in their own right. The reason for this is that every 7Ws consists of a cast of thousands and the mix is the same; a few Observers, a few Associates, a few Green Teamers, and within each of those groups, a core team who support the event each and every time. So you have first timers and experienced 7W’ers all riding together.

The backdrop for this is mid Wales and its heady mix of challenging roads and open sweepers along with mist, rain, suicidal sheep and hard unforgiving terrain; also beer and mystical stories of daring do.

The whole thing started back in the mists of time by a wild welsh biker known as Daff (or Daff-t) depending on your point of view. He decided that some of the virgin bikers the club was attracting needed an opportunity to stretch their legs and have a real challenge. So he laid down the basis for the 7Ws and it has remained much the same for 25 wonderful repeats. Held at the beginning and end of the biking year, that is March/April and October. It is now a pilgrimage for many and an aspiration for some; many have tried to book a place and never managed to get one yet?!

The venue has changed over the years to cater for the ever increasing numbers and their high expectations. The latest being a collection of wooden huts hidden deep within the pine forests of Llanfukinlostagain, a little akin to Stalag 14 but without the fence. It is run by a consortium of East European Mafia who have few regular visitors other than TVAM. Most of their previous guests sleep with the fishes.

The luxury wooden cabins are lushly fitted with bri-nylon curtains, original Cyril Lord carpet and are ‘top notch’. They boast a kettle and a bed; mine was supported on four house bricks (that’s the bed) and had a duvet and matching pillow cases. The kettle had a long and useful lead so you could use the common power outlet some 48 metres away if unoccupied by others?! The leccie cost you a pound coin about once every 90 seconds if you use a hair drier when boiling the kettle. Views from the cabins are a fantastic panorama of other bikers fighting over the power socket and two wild donkeys; one is called Chocolate; he wears a wide brimmed straw hat and sucks a carrot, the other is called Sweetie and looks frightened!…….

Food is provided to those participating whether they want it or not. It is not permitted to smuggle in wholesome snacks or vegetables. The day starts with a hearty breakfast of cornflakes and chips washed down with lashings of Welsh tea. The evening meal is a celebration of Nouveaux Welsh cuisine based around the fried potato. There is plenty of local beer and wine to add height to the already tall stories and increase the volume of applause to the Spoon receivers.

Now the ceremony of the spoon is a very special part of the 7Ws …it is the duty of all attending to grass up (or lie) about the riding skills (or lack of) displayed or imagined to be seen whilst out on the road. Thus, if you are lucky enough to have a dodgy overtake witnessed by the hoard, you may be in for a wooden spoon. They are presented by a fearsome figure of a woman standing 1.4meters high in her stocking feet and suspenders!? But worse of all is the story of how you won your spoon as interpreted by Rawlins…now sarcasm is his second name and he crafts his tales to ensure maximum discomfort is given to the poor unsuspecting recipient of the trophy. This year to mark the occasion the spoons were especially finished in sparkly fairy dust lacquer to mark the 25^th year. It is quite hard to get a spoon; you have to be real bad or stitched up proper.

The whole point of the 7Ws event is to have sustained riding over a long distance on good roads that challenge you. This is further enhanced by the ability to watch others and learn from their skill or mistakes. There is no doubt that all who attend are improved by the experience, they not only get to ride 500 miles with other good riders on technical roads but meet with other TVAM riders and forge friendships that stand the test of time and make them part of the club. This is ever harder to do as we expand and grow to corporate proportions and lose some of the cuddliness we once had.

I have been on about eight of these training holidays from early tentative days as a novice rider through the other stages and got something positive out of all of them. I could recommend it as a must for all who aspire to ride well on two wheels and long may it continue.

Many thanks to those who step up to the plate and spend time and effort organising it (you know who you are)

Irreverent Biker

Hi Louise and the dedicated organisers of 7w’s,

A special thanks for another great weekend, gorgeous weather, fabulous rides, great company and a lot of laughs.

My second 7′w’s, and I’m sure, not the last.

Just to let you know that I followed Andy on his Aprilla all the way to Newbury (no fuel stops) and parted in the centre of the town.  I checked the Aprilla forum and found a solution to the small fuel tank (see attached picture) If he arrives with this modification then the 25th 7W’s WILL be memorable

Mike (E)

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Hi all,

Let me add my thanks to Lou, Steve, and all run leaders, adding my thanks for your ability to add in extra fuel stops for the gas guzzler.

I’ve since found out the Aprilia tank is 17 litres and is good for 20 miles on reserve  – so the 18.5 with the ‘You need fuel’ light on was getting close. And how I got 17.2 litres in when I filled up I just don’t know (close perhaps) …Phew….

Thanks for the picture Mike  – Just got to save up now so I can take it out again later in the summer

Cheers

Andy (S)

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Hello everybody

I would just like to record my thanks to all the organizers and workers on this most fantastic 24th 7w’s weekend.

It was a great success and for such a large group worked really well.

Great runs and thanks to lill-Lou for the weather.

The 7W’s great ‘egg on face and Spoon race’ was well hosted by the Smiling Assassin ‘Simon’ and I am gutted by not being worthy of such recognition…yet again.

Ta Steve for tireless organization.

The first official duty if our new DC went well.

next time

Colin

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Yes, finally, I got a taste of what 7W is all about, just a bugger it had to be on the last day. I had a fantastic day and will definitely come back. Thanks to all who made it happen and to everybody who have been looking after me.

Stefan

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I would like to ‘big it up’ for the excellent 7W’s. Wonderful weather, wonderful company and Stalag Rad Victoria Wells just gets better and better. And the Welsh Black at the Neuadd Arms Hotel…mmmm (later).

Thanks to everyone who helped organise the event and to Leucetois, welsh god of weather, for smiling so much this weekend.

Q (Sion)

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Hi All,

Superlatives have yet to be defined that can adequately describe the 24th 7 W’s.

The organisation, venue, company,  wonderful roads (including those nadgery one’s on Charon’s run)  were spot on and what about that weather?

Thanks to all involved; your hard work made it a huge success and I had a brilliant time.

Peter D

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Yes. Thanks from me too to Lou, Steve and team for their organization and to all the run leaders and back markers, and to everyone else, you all helped to make it a good weekend (and the weather helped).

And thanks for my spoon and your enthusiastic welcome back on Saturday (even if you were all forced into by the lovely Lou ). I certainly appreciated getting back to warmth, food, rest and good company after an interesting 3 hour ride in the dark.  

I very much appreciate all the people that have picked me and my bike up and helped me with punctures over the years, and I try to do my bit for others when things go awry. It’s one of the great things about our biking community that we look after each other.

Having said that, I’m not looking to pick people up off of the tarmac and would appreciate it if you would try not to throw you and your bike into the road in front of me (Bob!) unless it’s absolutely unavoidable.

Cheers,

Lynn<

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Thanks everyone for a great weekend.  It’s clear that a tremendous amount of work and planning goes into the weekend and it’s very much appreciated.

Next time I will try not to go off on my own little detour.  From what I hear the scenery was a lot better where you went!  Still, some great roads, wonderful weather and good company . . . can it get any better?

Thanks again.

Garry

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I just want to add my thanks for all the organisation that must have gone into this. I have had an amazing weekend. I have learnt a lot and feel my riding has improved, which has also boosted my confidence as well.

Thanks to Louise for three great runs. Thanks too to all the observers for their time and advice, and to all the other members offering advice and guidance.

My total from home to home – 791 miles and around £90 of petrol!

Hopefully see you all again for the next one.

Jerry

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Hear Hear.

Thanks Louise, Steve & Amanda for all the hard work and organisation, and to all for making it a great weekend.

Love to do it again, hopefully as a full member next time.

Regards

Andy R

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Lets just say my fuel bill was a just a little bit bigger…(only by a smidgeon though…..)

Andy (S)

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Hi chaps

So as not to clog up everyone else’s Inbox I thought I’d just send you a personal note of thanks for last weekend.

Once again very enjoyable and the seamless organisation reminds me of a swan in full swim. Well done.

John (Not JJ)

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Thank you everyone.

I too had a brilliant time and a wonderful week-end in spite of my little faux pas on the bridge and Lynn I promise I do do my best not to throw my bike in front of anyone but if I am going to do in front of someone, I cannot think of a better person to do in front of than you!

However please accept my public apology for this dastardly act.  )

& for those (few?) of you who have not heard the scuttlebutt yet – having taken my camera and not taken a single shot all w/e I thought it a lovely idea to stop for 30 seconds on a lovely old stone bridge in one of a number of little triangular  ‘alcoves’ on the bridge and take a couple of shots of riders coming across the bridge. Only to find in my impulsive decision I hadn’t clocked quite how narrow the bridge was and that every TVAM rider would then stop and ask if I was OK. It rapidly created an embarrassing traffic jam and in my haste to extricate myself from the situation, exiting the little alcove I just brushed the stone parapet which unfortunately was enough to tip the little scooter over – very much to my further embarrassment and chagrin having just had all the panels resprayed!

Act in haste, repent in leisure!

Regards

Bob

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Certainly will second it was a fab trip away and appreciation to all those involved with planning! Loved it.

Candice X

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Thank you Louise, Steve and all the team who organised the week end. I had a wonderful time and 3 exhilarating  runs with Ian, Louise and Amanda.

Thank you also to Colin and Ian for your encouraging and thoughtful instruction during my observed runs.

A great experience.

John (D)

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Hi all
I’ve been trying to think of something clever to say in appreciation of a great weekend. All I can think of saying is THANK YOU ALL, not just the organizers but everyone involved with the runs.

Regards

Gary (P)

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Louise / Steve

Just to say that I had the most fantastic time over the weekend, I do apologise for all the pestering and for being a complete pain in the arse, from myself and the campaigning from Amanda before hand.

But I’m just so pleased I was able to come, my new bike is now full run in and my confidence on it has been improved so much from a great three days riding. Amazing organisation, Amazing Roads, Amazing Weather.

Thanks for absolutely everything,  I have already block booked all the weekends in the family calendar for the end of Sept / Oct for the next one so I won’t be such a pain next time (hopefully!!)

See you soon<

Pete (C)

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Same from me too.

Great weekend and even better than I was told it would be.

Think I have also mastered LLR at last with thanks to some advice from Andy!

Thanks to all involved,especially Louise and Steve,  for making it the best ever biking experience

Cheers

Paul

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Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone for the most brilliant weekend of biking!!  I’ve throughly enjoyed my first 7W’s and am already counting the sleeps to the next one..

Gemma

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Just to add my tuppence and to join in with everyone’s enthusiastic applause … wonderful … and I never imagined that the second 7Ws could ever equal the first … but guess what.

Tyres beginning to round off nicely with all those incredible curves  … must go back and get some photos at some point  just so I can show friends and family what I have been gibbering about for 24 hours.

Many thanks to all the event organisers and their helpers … and also so very much to all the friendly people who shared a wonderful weekend.

Mike

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Hi All,

I just wanted to add my huge THANKS to all involved in making the 7Ws such a fantastic weekend.

This was my first 7Ws but certainly not my last, look forward to seeing you all for the 25th trip.

Many thanks,

Dawn x

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What a fabulous weekend!

Amazing weather, fabulous rides and lovely people in Gods own country.
Huge thanks to Lou and Steve for the organisation, Steve and Ian for such brilliant runs and Dawn and Candice for being the best room-mates.

issy

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At risk of sounding tediously repetitive, many thanks to all those involved who made this a great weekend. However, unlike Simon’s memorable dressing down on the first night – “you know who you are, you know what you did, enough said, don’t do it again” – I do ask for all our sakes that you DO please do it again because in my view the 7Ws weekends encapsulate all that is good at TVAM.

Cheers,
DAVE

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Memorable!!! Thank you all

…… how many sleeps is it?

Jan

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Hi All

I would like to add my huge thanks for another great 7W’s week-end, apologises for dumping my bike on the road on the way down on Friday.

Thanks to everyone who helped put it and me the right way up to continue the journey.

Looking forward to the next one, with great company.

Best regards

Brian

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Just to echo all the previous messages; I had a terrific weekend, met some great people and enjoyed lovely weather.  Many thanks for the useful advice from observers I now have to dig out my highway code to prepare for my cross check.

Apologies to Paul for the run home, I had to turn off the A40 as I left my bum-bag at the Little Chef.

I’d love to go again!

Tony (W)

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What can I say? brilliant weekend, supperb riding skills, great to watch, congrats to all, from a very appreciative associate.

Regards Mick. (K)

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Louise

Thanks for another great weekend – wonderful runs.  Even better for my zero increase in the spoon count.

Graham

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Hi Louise

Just wanted to let you know that Kev and I got home okay.  Thanks so much for all your input for the weekend… And Steve, Simon and front and back markers.  We had a fab time… Great weather; great roads and great company.

I am proud of my wooden spoon… I wholeheartedly accept it…

Thanks again… We really did have a great time

Kate & Kev

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Home safe

Thanks for everything, had a fab time.

Oy, Chris, I think you’ve got something on the bottom of your shoe.

Craggy

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The dust has settled. Most of it appears to be on my bike!

Another fantastic 7W’s. Well done guys.

Love from Mike & Sheena.

 The remains of Lou’s Luggage: –

1 wooden spoon; 1 first aid kit; my helmet cam strap; a plastic wallet and my Kriega bag (sob).

I had a wonderful weekend. Thank you to you and your team.

I had three fantastic rides all in the dry, plenty of very helpful advice and lots of fun.

Thank you very much.

See you on Sunday

John D

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Dear Steve,That was a glorious weekend.I had forgotten to pay for 1 DL hot chocolate, £2.80, for which I sent a cheque to the manager on Sunday, so I hope there is not a duplicate payment.

I must forget at least 1 item a month or my bus pass will be rescinded.

Steve L

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Lou Says

Damn, there goes our reputation. Mind you Steve, better than leaving your false teeth in the cafe (you know who you are).

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I was a bit apprehensive about going on 7ws the first time.. I hadn’t been in TVAM that long, didn’t know anyone apart from my observer, wasn’t sure if my riding would be up to it.. all that stuff.. .. SO glad i went! Met lovely people and had such a laugh, and the riding was fabulous.. what a great experience! Been back every time since.. (and its not just cos I’m Welsh and have a homing instinct!) Cant recommend it highly enough to any associates.. get your name down now!

Issy

The following are the extremely proud recipients of the Spring 2011 Wooden Spoon Awards: –

Ray McGrath – Gnob Award

Would everyone be so careful that for the first time ever there would be no 7W’s GNOB? I don’t mind sharing with you; when the Awards Committee met early Saturday evening we were really worried and desperately started scrutinising everyone in the bar, casting around for anything we could find that would justify nomination. Oh us of little faith. We should have relied upon the innate idiocy inherent in any 7W’s run which in this case manifested itself in Ray, a seasoned 7W’er.

So what did Ray do to earn this fabulous prize?

Riding along a beautiful Welsh “A” road and making good progress, Ray negotiated a left hand bend at a speed slightly over 60 mph (again). At this point, the bike decided it had had enough of his hooligan behaviour and decided to throw him off by way of a tank slapper. Ray, still holding onto the bars, came off the bike and when his foot hit the road, pushed himself up and back onto the seat, by which time the bike had calmed down. Ray simply carried on as if nothing had happened. Not so fortunate was the poor bloke who witnessed the scene who had to have several pints to calm down. Luckily, he waited until he got back to Vicky Wells and told us the tale or we might not have believed him.

So the GNOB award goes to Ray for:

practising his MOTOGYM on a public highway

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Wayne Devine – Simon Rawlins Horsebox Overtake Award

There were many nominations for this very popular award but it soon became apparent that there was one clear winner.

According to witnesses, and I am very happy to report that there were many, Wayne, (beautiful shiny Fireblade; matching leathers), was setting himself up for an overtake on an unsuspecting car, which was pootling along quite nicely. Now it may well be that Wayne had not quite got up to his usual peak performance riding wise, but the overtake just didn’t happen, and didn’t happen, and just, well, didn’t happen.

By this time, there was a small queue building up behind him. So much so, that when he once again moved over to the left around a right hand bend, presumably to get a view of the road or indeed to have a bit of a break, our Ray (of GNOB fame, without matching leathers and on rather well used GSXR 1000), overtook both him and the car.

The effect of this manoeuvre was to finally wake Wayne up and he set off in hot pursuit, executing a superb overtake on the wrong side of a solid white line for several 100′s of yards. This awesome display was witnessed by the bottleneck of riders he had built up behind him, many who happily shopped him to the awards committee, safe in the knowledge that his misdemeanour was far greater than theirs.

Wayne accepted his reward graciously and by the end of the evening was very proud.

Martin Cragg (Craggy) – Crap Marker Award

Craggy likes to be precise. He likes to know what is expected of him and to carry out what he has been asked to do to the best of his ability. So when his run leader put him down as a left turn marker at a roundabout, he smoothly complied and sat on his unmissable Pan, left arm duly held out to indicate the way.

“But what’s this?” he thinks to himself. “Is that the run leader I see coming back to the roundabout and turning left? Yes it is. And they haven’t put another marker down to point the new way. What should I do????

I know, I’ll change from pointing left to pointing straight over, because they’ve obviously gone wrong and want me to point the way they meant to go. I’ll do that then and get a gold star for being really good”

In my initial briefing concerning the Marker System, one thing I always try and stress is

“AS A MARKER, PLEASE DON’T TRY AND BE HELPFUL. PLEASE DON’T BE INTUITIVE, PLEASE DON’T MOVE, AND PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T THINK. JUST POINT THE WAY YOU WERE ASKED TO POINT. IT WILL BE FINE”

And the reason I say this is?

Yes, the run leader had gone wrong but having realised their mistake, had put a turning round marker down by a petrol station. They had also put another marker down on the approach to the roundabout to turn left. Both of these markers were out of sight of the roundabout so the run effectively by-passed these two completely. And when Craggy got swept up by the back marker, he rode off with the rest of the run, justifiably proud of a job well done.

And the two that got left behind? Having eventually walked up to the roundabout to see if Craggy knew why the run had been held up and finding it bereft of it’s marker, Simon rounded up Ian, and they eventually found their way to the next marker who just happened to be me, and who had noticed neither of them had come past so was waiting with the back marker. So all was well that ended well and we were able to comfortably award the Crap marker to the one person on the run who truly believed he didn’t deserve it since it must have been everyone else’s fault.

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Our Steve (Watson) – Retrospective Gnob Award

What on earth could our lovely Steve have done to earn the RG Award? Surely this can’t be right??

Now don’t get me wrong. This wouldn’t be the first time Mr Watson had been presented with one of the coveted stirring sticks. He had not only received the “Diamond Geezer” award in October 2010, but also the “Simon Rawlins Horsebox Overtake Award” for his spectacular insistence that the oncoming mountain would move out of his way since he was trying to overtake a very large lorry in the pouring rain with a left hand bend approaching. After all, the mountain wasn’t actually doing anything at the time and he was rather busy.

So what did he do to deserve this? Well it was more what he didn’t do that earned him this accolade.

Because he worked so very hard organising the Autumn 2010 7W’s, including recycling his run the week we were going and taking 21st 7W’s birthday cakes to Vicky Wells for everyone, he made himself poorly and couldn’t go. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, he did the same thing 3 weeks later when he was supposed to be going to the Nürburgring.

So nominated by Simon and given with huge love and hugs by the rest of us in the Spoons committee and Carol, who had to put up with him at home rather than have a lovely weekend on her own indulging in burger and chips and watching chick flicks.

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Kelly McGrath – Diamond Geezer / Geezeress Award

Not only did her dad scoop the GNOB of the weekend award, but Kelly did the McGrath family proud by being the deserved winner of the Diamond Geezeress award.

This award can only be given for a gesture of such selfless generosity, that the rest of us have to admit that we very probably wouldn’t have done it, and competed to hide behind each other. So what did Kelly do to deserve it?

On Saturday, she decided to go on Nigel’s seaside run. Now the only thing I would say is that Kelly is quite a seasoned 7W’er, so should have suspected that since Nigel was on a BMW, there was very little chance of him and the bike completing the whole trip without one or the other of them breaking down.

Sure enough, the Beamer went on strike and the run ground to a halt before it even started. Bereft of their leader, (although that wasn’t strictly true since he was actually fine), no-one knew what was to be done. There was a distinct possibility that ice creams by the seaside may just be a happy pipe-dream rather than a sunny reality.

At this point, I would just like to remind everyone that riding in Wales is AWESOME. It’s why we go. So to ride to Wales and then not actually to ride around Wales is not something anyone would aspire to.

So what does Kelly do? She voluntarily loans her bike to Nigel and goes pillion, thus not herself riding around Wales.

We on the committee felt this gesture was over and above the call of duty and awarded the spoon jointly:

To Kelly for her generosity

To her poor GSXR for having to do 200 miles with Nigel in the saddle (yes we have enough tools between us to separate the two of them, eventually)

The following are the extremely proud recipients of the Autumn 2010 Wooden Spoon Awards: –

Richard Mold – Gnob of the Weekend Award

This coveted award, the creme de la creme of 7Ws wooden spoons, is avoided by many and given to so few. This trip, we on the Awards committee were struggling somewhat to find a truly worthy winner. We were just about to decide on Salli G, who on Friday night volunteered to be Back Marker on Ian’s Saturday run, who then wrote down her phone number wrong on all the run cards, who then left three people behind as soon as the run started, and who later on sailed past Ross, who had just laid his bike down on a grass verge having been the victim of some hooligan behaviour from some rather unsavoury locals, when Adam, another Saturday Run Leader, informed us of the following: –

Richard began by being a highly Advanced Rider by recognising he wasn’t on the ball due to feeling poorly and taking medication. He informed Adam, his run leader, that he was bailing out of the run and making his own way back to Llanwrtyd Wells. So far so good but it wasn’t to last. In front of said Run Leader, he got on his bike then rode the 10 metres up to the STOP line directly in front of him. He then completely ignored the RIGHT ONLY sign facing him and turned left through the NO ENTRY signs the wrong way up a one way street.

He later admitted that to rectify his error, bearing in mind the road he was on went right through the middle of Newquay for some 1/2 mile, he subsequently turned into another one way street the wrong way and made his escape.

When you do it Richard, you do it in style.

Now some of you may think he could be forgiven for feeling poorly, but when tackled by Adam, his comment “I hoped nobody had seen that” instantly earned him this coveted award.

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Issy Griffiths – Simon Rawlins Horsebox Overtake Award

A beautiful overtake, beautifully executed on her Run Leader, who was sat by the road waiting for a Marker to come along. In her defense, she did wonder why Adam was sat marking, but immediately put this ridiculous thought out of her mind and concentrated on filtering for England on her 400 for the next so many miles until he, on his GSX 1000 finally caught her up and overtook her, having had to wait some time for someone else to arrive and mark. Even then she seemed blissfully unaware that she had essentially lost the rest of the run, which was due to turn in only 3 miles, and smilingly stuck her thumb up at Adam, as he rode past at a speed close to breaking the sound barrier.

She received her award with great pride.

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Kelly McGrath – Crap Marker Award

Awarded for assuming that just because the 5th rider, (who is in front of the Back Marker), had (presumably) seen the 4 riders in front of him indicate and turn right, will also turn right.

Because of this highly unlikely scenario, Kelly stopped marking and got on her bike. Unseen by her, since by this time she is highly involved in getting ready to move off, the 5th rider sailed straight on into oblivion (or the back end of Aberystwyth).

To his immense credit, he found his run again, who were all sat eating ice-cream on the sea wall and blissfully unaware he was missing.

So many congratulations Kelly for this outstanding display of assuming that if it can go right it will. You now know it never does

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Ashley Burt – Retrospective Gnob Award

Any of us can have an Off, and if we do, normally, sympathy is forthcoming, although usually followed by a life time of ribald comments. However, when the “Off” is entirely self inflicted and occurs on one of the most remote mountain tops in Wales, mid afternoon, that’s another matter.

So when Mr. Burt gently drifted his bike into a brick wall, and having stepped off it unharmed decided that he and it were going no further, the consequences for some poor sods in the run were pretty dire. For a start, our Simon (Rawlins) was left marking outside a pub, miles from anywhere (though it did have a bus stop), while the England v Wales rugby match was on. It wasn’t good, England won. In addition, he and other markers only had petrol for 20 – 30 miles and the only garage within reach was closing at 6:00pm. Darkness was closing in and the temperature was dropping rapidly.

Eventually, the markers were rescued and the run continued back home to Aberystwyth, but only after having sent the poor run leader Ian, and big Dave from Aylesbury back to Ashley to await recovery from the RAC. The three of them then had to endure many “Deliverance” moments up on the mountain, as hairy locals in dubious 4×4′s who were out sheep hunting thought the boys might be good sport. Luckily, Dave can be pretty hairy and scary himself so their honour was preserved. They eventually made it back to the safety of civilisation at 12:30 in the morning.

Next morning, the bike and Ashley went home via 4 RAC wheels. Having had a rest in the garage, the bike started fine. Yes, that’s right, there was nothing wrong with it.

So in the face of such outstanding Gnobbish behaviour, Ashley decided not to come to 7W’s for 2 whole years, in the vain hope that we would forget.

Of course we didn’t and he received his SECOND 7W’s award with much protestation and mock surprise.

We’re all looking forward to Spring when Ash makes it 3 out of 4.

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Dave Pugh – Run Leader Avoidance Award

Some people will go to any lengths to avoid leading a run. And let’s face it, leading a run for 7W’s can be a scary thing to do. Not only are you in a foreign country littered with wild animals and fierce Celts, but you’ve got to find some really nice roads, know where you’re going, put down markers in places where their feet will reach the ground, and be organised enough to have things called petrol/coffee/comfort/lunch/tea/cake stops in sufficient numbers to keep everyone happy.

Of course, in the enormously euphoric atmosphere of a Friday or Saturday evening in the bar at Llanwrtyd Wells, it is very easy to happily (drunkenly) offer to do a run for Louise, knowing you’ve got a whole 6 months to prepare. But we all know that time can be a cruel mistress, and what do you do when you’ve only got 2 months left and haven’t even started yet? Well most people would have just quietly sent Lou an e-mail, or said their cat was sick but no, Dave, never doing anything by halves, thought he’d do a right proper job and leave nothing to chance and her powers of persuasion.

His choice of weapon was a sort of Hare Kari manoeuvre, which involved not only throwing his R1 at a Chevron sign, thus consigning it to the great bike park in the sky, but to make absolutely sure, throwing himself and his shoulder in particular after it. And just in case by some miracle Nicola managed to pass not only her DSS test but her IAM test too in the time left, thus making her eligible, he chucked her off the back into the bargain.

Way to go Dave. Not many are as dedicated as you, and you are indeed an extremely worthy winner of this one-off and very special 7Ws Wooden Spoon award.

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Steve Watson – Diamond Geezer / Geezeress Award (Nominated by Lou)

In Autumn 2006, I organised my last 7Ws. I had had enough. The trip was becoming too big and too difficult to manage and I’d spent the whole 3 days worrying, since we’d had a couple of “offs” and some pretty hooligan riding in the groups.

Hearing this, Steve asked me to give it one more go and offered to help me with the organisation. I was extremely reluctant but in the end agreed. Since then, Steve has done all the real “grunt” work, organising the bookings; the room allocations; the meals; the money, and keeping me sane. He even cooks the 7W’s Team lunch when we have our planning meetings and this time, drove over to Llanwrytd Wells with 5 huge cakes to celebrate 7Ws 21st.

He is a real unsung hero and I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of this award. And from the sound of the enormous cheer that went up when his name was announced, I can only say everyone agreed with me.

So thank-you so much Steve. Without you, 7Ws may have survived but certainly wouldn’t be what it is today.

Lou

Victoria Wells

Stalag at Night and Lou’s very tired bike

Daily Runs

Lou’s Lunch Stop

Chris – (T) Observer Smile “I’m not stressed”

Ian’s Run – Barmouth

Ian’s Run – Barmouth

“So where is everyone?”

Jackie at Lake Vyrnwy

Di’s Run Homeward Bound

The Wooden Spoon Awards

Lou’s Speech

Simon Co-Hosting the Awards

Simon and Kelly

Kelly

Connell

Dave

Issy Overtake Award

Ash and the Retro GNOB Award

Richard – GNOB Award

Dear ……

To all my friends that did not come, sadly, you were not missed.

I awoke at 5 AM to the sound of the alarm beeping and my bladder straining….

Rushed to the kitchen to fire-up the kettle then onto the bathroom to deal with the main problem.

Birds could just be heard farting and coughing outside, so I knew it must be early with the dawn chorus upon us…

Had done all my packing and preparations the evening before and gone to bed ‘ nice and early’ but could not sleep at first…excited…

After washing and donning the gear, I quietly opened garage door ……..rolled the bike down the drive…… and on down the road to the bottom where I started the motor to annoy someone else’s neighbours. Rode swiftly in the cold morning air onto the A34 heading North for Newbury. Still darkish, I was cautious and constrained by visibility or rather lack of it…. The beast croaked and hated being held back, in frustrated mood it kicked its heels in some gravel left by a car driver on a bend and woke me up…properly…

Stopped just outside of Newbury and looked at Lil-Lou’s instructions and map…. the instructions were clear, meet at Foxes Diner …9 AM… the map was less clear as her computer had not only shifted it mostly off the page but moved the arrow pointing to Foxes Diner onto the main text, ‘B.ll.x’ Still being an advanced rider I just blundered on ‘forward planning’ to ask a local, …the local came in the guise of the petrol station cashier who knew exactly where it was, directing me without the aid of a GPS. So there I was sitting outside, on my own, freezing my ..^&*% off and watching the sun come up…. No sign of anyone, least of all a proprietor of the diner, where I had planned (in my dreams) to have a fine breakfast and steaming hot coffee. An hour later a cheerful lady ask if I wanted to come in and get something!

I thanked her and ask if she had anything for frost bite as well as hunger…. She looked sideways at me and asked if I was a biker and was that my bike outside…. Removing my gloves, leather jacket and buff I just asked for a small breakfast and a large coffee… no one else there… she was obviously a bright lass…

Sit down dearey she said and I’ll bring it to you… won’t be a minute… It arrived in ten… a mountain of cholesterol and coffee… result at last…

In dribs and drabs the TVAM group started to arrive… mostly the drabs first, Louise and Ian with a few cohorts from their chapter. Then the dribs… well what a dodgy shower they looked… God what had I let myself in for. A weekend in Wales (a dangerous place at the best of times ) with this lot… They rode everything from brand new state of the art snorting monsters to egg whisks (sorry Phil). One lady even had her bike dressed up in sort of Germanic lederhosen with laces… into bondage I thought, keep away from her, don’t fancy being smeared with sump oil and subjected to un-natural practises while under restraint in some moment of weakness…

Lil-Lou introduced me to some of the troop, most spoke quite good English and seemed friendly on first impression… They were from around Wycombe and Oxford so probably had deprived childhoods and at least one parent ‘at her majesty’s pleasure‘. I was settling in. They seemed to accept me and general the banter was of fun and frolics ( whatever that meant in their parlance )…

Lil-Lou bought us to attention and outlined the basic rules for the weekend….” I have arranged all this, having been lumbered by Daff and now its up to you lot to get there and have a good time” … I reflected on my own powers of delegation and knew I was lacking, here was a master of the art..

Ian was left standing at the front, when everyone took a step back. Bet I know who wears the trousers in his house.

He must be the run leader I thought… What a run leader. Someone should marry him before he is snapped up.

There were three runs to Aberawristwith, one lead by Lil Lou, one led by Big Nigel and one led by Ian the brave…

I had been allocated to Ian, I think he got the unpopular ones with personal problems.

He tried his best to lose us, but we were resolute in our aim to ‘get there as well’

Several members of our group, made a break for freedom, but the bloody marker system worked faultlessly and that foiled their plans.

Our journey to Aberbananana was long, tiring and eventful but we all enjoyed it in our own way. It was part of the TVAM training we had learned to love. You have to suffer for your sport. No point in enjoying it.

The party were booked into a large friendly hotel on the sea front, run by close friends of the Cray brothers and they gave us bargain rates. The theme rooms were fun! Nigel and Andrea got the waterbed but said little about their experience. Andrea was grinning at breakfast though. Someone else got the vibrating bed and several said there’s shook in the night, strange forces at work no doubt.

Mary had a special sloping bed?? You can only stay in it if you are completely pissed… she fell out of it on Friday night but slept soundly in it on Saturday.

The first night was as you would expect. A few new bikers tentatively getting to know each other over a shandy and a bite.. Bollox was it …!!! everyone got completely hammered and told rude and outrageous stories into the wee small hours..when quietness fell over Aberanotheronequick… so did the rain… that stuff that bikers don’t really like… A fine lubricant of rubber on tarmac.

Most of us came-to about dawn and knew we needed a further 4 hours kip… but our TVAM training had conditioned us to shun comfort and be real men… unfortunately there were no real women in my room, so that was not an option.

It was a great start to the weekend, horrible hangover, Lil Lou was asked time and again for aspirin or any drugs that might help…

We set off under the leadership of Ian yet again. This time he was winging it, we could tell, for several of the roads said not suitable for farm vehicles (written in Welsh of course) and he set off down them apace, only to be surprised by the level of technical riding required. My Ohlins and sticky track rubber made easy work of 8 inch deep ruts and cowshit but strangely struggled with the river bed we followed down to the coast. These roads really let you use the power of a modern sports bike to the full!

I was lucky enough to be given the distraction of ‘an associate’ to play with… and ‘a TOB’ to intimidate. That really helped my hangover and made my day. The associate was a very good rider and gave faultless demonstration of ‘the riding standard’ over some testing terrain. I only nodded off once or twice, so it must have been fun… we used both first and second gears at times and observed the posted limits and signs (use 4 wheel drive now).

Phil (X11) Nichols an ex-Japanese trainee Kamikaze pilot was fun to ride with. He had a placid style that endeared him to the older and timid riders and he demonstrated restraint on several occasions. I’ll not have another the wife’s waiting upstairs for me…

A good crowd to ride with, these hardy TVAM types. There were the nervous ones, like Marcia, she bought her own fireman, Martin. He rode a two wheeled fire engine with chrome bits and a bell.

John and Lin rode in perfect harmony, John at one end of the column of riders and Lin at the other with a romantic meeting every hour for a fag break.

Lin a timid wee Scots lass took a while to relax and hardly said a word to anyone..

Bod… well he enjoyed sedate riding and taking in the view, he will backmark one day. Back never been there he said ‘where’s that ‘

Geoff.. was trying to find some knee sliders that would work whilst riding in the upright position?

Kim… rode faultlessly in a vain attempt to make up for her husband’s display of low flying through the Welsh valleys.

Tom… new to group riding with TVAM was amazed that most of the time his Bandit seemed never to fall below 7000 rpm.

Lin ‘H’… took to the Welsh countryside ‘big time’ an indicator (RHS) of the draw of the open fields.

And not to forget Pete and Lynne Allen… Lynn a goddess on two wheels showed how easy it can be to look good and outride the boys and Pete.

Now Pete had a great holiday, he was particularly taken with the plumbing in one petrol station. So much so, he, like a knight in shiny armour to a damsel in distress dismantled their toilet cistern and returned to the group looking flushed and happy…’its working again’ he cried to the woman with crossed legs and beads of perspiration on her brow.

Richard… had a kind of ‘Postman Pat’ bike and a storm trouper outfit. He was a straight road specialist going for out and out power, unfortunately there weren’t any of those about. He listened to music all the time he was riding and not a lot else.

Mike and Sheena were inseparable on their Fireblade… the new velcro patch on Sheena’s bottom keeping her in perfect harmony with the ‘blades antics, unfortunately she became attached to Pete the Tigers knee slider patch in the bar on Saturday and spent all evening following him around backwards.

Tiger Pete was so disgusted by the car drivers in one town he threw the Tiger down in disgust and took to two feet in a vain attempt to stop the traffic.

All in all a varied bunch of machinery.. Daff had not taken the optional osteopath with his new BM and complained bitterly about pile irritation and numb bum syndrome all a mystery to sports bike riders who have to do special exercises to get strong wrists… The 8th W maybe ????

Well I’m bored with this now… you must be too….

Ta Lil-Lou and Ian for a great distraction from life’s ups and downs…

If I am not invited next time I will sue TAFFY

ANON

Don’t forget rule 19 still applies